


You Are My Sunshine

by Cassbuttstiels



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Feels, Implied GerIta - Freeform, Implied RusAme, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:07:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1881045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassbuttstiels/pseuds/Cassbuttstiels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year and a half ago the riots began. An organization known as the New Order of Peace began to overthrow everything, killing off world leaders and eventually nations. Still suffering from the loss of Antonio, Lovino Vargas finds himself among others on the run from this so called NOP. When it's the last thing that he needs, he finds himself falling in love, and given the circumstances, it is a dangerous game to be in love. Especially when death could be right around the corner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Violence, LOTS of angst, death, dispair, and implied suicide.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or it's characters

_-You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

_You never know, dear, how much I love you_

_Please don’t take my sunshine away-_

My name is Lovino Vargas, also known as Italy Romano. About a year and a half ago, the riots started. People everywhere began to rebel against the governments of their nations. At first they were only small, easily contained, but then the rebels began gaining power. They began to call themselves the NOP, the _New Order of Peace_ , but their actions were anything but peaceful. They began killing people affiliated with the government. At first, it was only people who played minor roles in everything, and they barely scratched the government. Then, with their rising power, they began to get bigger, more important people, until one day the whole world stopped for a heart-stopping minute. Until one day, all of the radios declared one sentence. The President of the United States has been killed. That day, many of the nations gathered in secret for a meeting, no matter how beaten and battered they were. America was among those who came, and his face was pale. He looked like he had been hit by a truck, and that was putting it nicely, though I suppose that no one blamed him. We all felt the blow a little, and he was the one who felt it full force. Everyone debated for what seemed like the longest time, but the only conclusion that our group came to was that whoever the NOP were, they would be hard to stop.

All of us tried our hardest to keep our countries secure, even Veneziano and I tried braving it out, and to be honest, we worked our asses off to keep Italy secure and safe. In the end, it didn’t matter how hard anyone worked, because almost every country was infiltrated. Many world leaders were killed or taken hostage throughout the next year that followed the President of the United States’ death. Those that weren’t dead or being held captive were in hiding, and they could only stay that way for so long. Everything became tense between all of the nations as their lands were dissolved. Once a country was taken over and changed into something else completely, one would lose their status as a nation, a fate that was slowly falling over many of us. The first to become human was America, a few days after his President’s death. Then, one day Germany woke up to find himself surrounded by rebels and very human. They had somehow gotten past his soldiers and took him captive. He got free after about a month, but he was very changed. His brother tried to help him cope with the realization, but Germany never was quite himself again. One night, at the most ungodly of hours, I woke up to Veneziano wailing in his room. I ran into there and barely was there as he told me that we were no longer nations. At first, I didn’t want to believe anything, but the realization all hit me full force when, a few days later, Spain called me telling me that he was human. I went over to see him that day, and for what seemed like the longest time, we held each other, crying. One by one, nations lost their status, and we all began to realize that it was only a matter of time before the NOP decided to hunt us down.

Three months ago, on a day that was beautiful and truly stunning, I remember laying in bed with Spain, watching as the sun rose through his window, its rays of light warming both of our bodies. I remember that day clearly, from the way he held me that morning, to the way I ran all through the night until I could no longer breath. That was the day that the NOP decided to come for him. As he lay there holding me in the morning, I had a feeling that something was off. Something bad would happen. I told Spain about that feeling and he said that he had it too. We hurriedly packed only what we needed into a couple of backpacks and slipped out into the afternoon sunlight. At first, we ran for what seemed like hours, trying to get away from his house to put a distance between us and that bad feeling. Then, we stopped, only for a few minutes to catch our breath and drink some water. The heat was scalding that day and we were both beginning to feel weak from all of the running. We left the small field in which we had stopped, this time walking at a fast pace. Both of us were too weak in the knees to resume running right away. We walked until the sun began to set, and then we heard a branch snap behind us. Both of us tensed and turned around, seeing two men with red arm bands standing with guns poised. Spain told me to run but I didn’t move, I was paralyzed in fear. He turned to me with tears in his eyes and told me that he loved me, and it was the last time I would hear him say it. He turned to the men, opening his mouth to speak, but before he could even get a word out, a bullet was in his brain. And I ran. The men didn’t make any attempt to follow me, but I was too afraid to stop. I ran all through the night until I could feel my lungs stinging, and then I dropped to the ground in the middle of the forest, curling into myself. I cried until I found it was no longer possible to cry, and then I just lay there in silence, wanting nothing better than to just die right there. But I continued on.

_-The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping_

_I dreamt I held you in my arms_

_When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken_

_So I hung my head, and I cried-_

It’s been three months since I witnessed Antonio’s death. Three months and I’m still broken up. I’ve felt numb, dead inside, and I can feel myself slowly closing up from everybody. Others have died since then, and I have found myself not really caring. Since Antonio’s death, I haven’t been the same. Feliciano has tried to get me to feel better, although I’m not sure how that could even happen. Since Antonio died, we’ve all gone into hiding. Currently, I am residing at a ramshackle house in some abandoned American town, with Feliciano, Ludwig, and Gilbert. For a while, Roderich and Elizaveta were here too, but one day they went out to get some supplies, and they never came back. None of us questioned or spoke of what happened because we all knew.

Living in this place isn’t too bad. Since Leland is pretty much vacant, other than the occasional passerby, we have most of the town to ourselves. It’s a kind of risky place to stay, as it isn’t very far from Traverse City, which likely has at least a few NOP members. The only reason we stay in this place is because it has many resources. Since people seemed to leave everything here, we had plenty of clothes and that we could sew together into blankets once it got cold. Apparently this place had once had a decent amount of tourists, though I never had heard of it before we were here. On top of the various tourist merchandise that we could use when it got cold out, there were also a variety of pocket knives at the souvenir shops, those dumb ones with people’s names etched into them. We had managed to stockpile them and anything else that could help protect us. We raided abandoned houses and came out with a few guns and a decent amount of ammo. People had left their boats in the ports, so if it was safe to go out, we could go into the lake and catch some fish, and that night we would have full bellies. The place was relatively peaceful, and for a while we had our daily routines and everything was perfectly in place. In the nights, however, when no one thought anyone was listening, you could hear crying. Some nights it was worse than others, and we all wept through the night more than a few times. We all had our own worries, our own losses. Some nights, I would wake up to see Gilbert pacing about the room nervously, occasionally stopping to look out into the night. Some nights, I’d hear Feliciano sniffling and weeping softly, and Ludwig would be holding him close, trying to get him to calm down. Then there was me. I had stopped crying long ago, realizing that crying wouldn’t bring Antonio back. Still, I longed for someone to be there for me. To hold me during the night and make me forget that life as we had all known it was over.

One night, I dream that Antonio is here with me, holding me in the strong but gentle way that he always did when he was alive. I forget about all of the uprising and all of the death, and then his voice starts to fade until I wake up. All I feel around me is cool, empty air, and there is no Antonio holding me. A tear slips down my face for the first time in what seems like forever. Taking as shaky breath, I stand up and walk over to the window silently, careful not to disturb the others. I stare out at the lake that stretches for miles. The moon is high in the sky and it’s a clear night. I can see many stars in the night sky and all of it reflects onto the lake, making for beautiful scenery. We all have tried forgetting what’s going on, so much to the point of hiding out pain from each other. It’s pitiful, really, how we all must hide. None of us have any chance against the NOP. If any of us did, Antonio would still be here, as would Elizaveta and Roderich. Vash and Lily, Tino and Berwald, and Sadik and Heracles. So many, who have died and there wasn’t anything that anyone could do about it. I sigh, burying my head in my hands. I will the tears to stop but they don’t. They keep coming, leaving little trails down my face.

I hear footsteps behind me and tense slightly, but relax when I see that it’s just Gilbert. All he says is, “You can’t sleep either, huh?” and then he takes a spot beside me and stares out at the lake. The moonlight illuminates his pale features and his hair looks like it’s glowing in it. His gaze is forlorn, pained. It’s the same expression that we have all held for the longest time. I debate whether or not I should say something to him, but I decide that it’s better to stand here in silence. I wipe at my face gently, knowing very well that it won’t make any difference if I’m still crying, which I am. I watch the dark shapes of clouds move in the sky, slowly beginning to block the stars and the moon. I inhale deeply and the air smells heavy and round, like it’s going to rain. We’re lucky that we went fishing earlier today, so we won’t have to worry about not having food tomorrow if it’s stormy. I watch as the first raindrops begin to fall over the lake, and it slowly turns into a mass of ripples. I decide that I should go back to bed, try to get some rest. As I turn to leave, I feel a hand grab my elbow. “Please don’t leave me,” Gilbert whispers in a small voice, his eyes seeming to glow in the night.

“Gil, I need to sleep. I’m tired. What’s gotten into you?” I whisper, not having the energy to be snarky. I haven’t in the longest time.

He laughs slightly, shaking his head, “I don’t want to be alone. I’ve been having nightmares lately…” he doesn’t elaborate. I sigh. I don’t have the energy to deal with this right now.

“Well, I’m going to bed. If you don’t want me to leave you that badly, just sleep by me, bastard,” I say sleepily, turning and walking back over to my sleeping bag. I don’t expect him to follow me, but I don’t try to argue either when he slips into my sleeping bag beside me. He’s been acting really anxious lately, and if sleeping beside someone else will calm him down, then let him. I tense slightly when he buries his head into the back of my neck and wraps his arms around my torso, but then I relax into his grip, trying to ignore the tears that I can feel on my back. We have all tried to hide from this, but deep down, we all know that we can’t hide from what’s really going on forever. We can’t just stay here in Leland forever. Sooner or later, we’ll have to begin running again. Sooner or later, we’ll be found. Sooner or later, news of another death will find it’s way to us. Our group of four could very easily become a group of three if we make one wrong move.

_-You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

_You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you_

_Please don’t take my sunshine away-_

__

Since that night last week, Gilbert has slept with me every night. I haven’t questioned it, I’ve let him because if it comforts him, then he deserves to feel at least a little bit comfort. And in all honesty, I have been able to find some comfort in it too. Sometimes, it feels good to just have someone hold you. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone who doesn’t pry or try to figure out why you’re sad, but nonetheless will hold you when you cry, and that someone is Gilbert.

None of us have been the same since all of this started. Ludwig is even quieter and rarely smiles. He rarely even speaks, except for in quiet grunts or a nod of the head. The only person that I have heard him speak to in the past month is Feliciano, and even then, it’s only a few words, coming out in a hushed whisper. Gilbert has tried to keep his spirits up during the day, and has been doing a lot of the work, but in all honesty, he’s not as loud or immature. He’s been talking less, eating less, and all though he tries to smile, less of them are genuine. During the night, when he’s not asleep, he’s taken to wandering around or standing at the window, weeping softly and hoping that no one notices, but I’ve noticed. Feliciano has hardened and it pains me to see him go around so seriously. He’s lost almost all of the innocence that he once embodied. He’s begun building a wall around himself, talking occasionally, eating what is given to him. He’s been doing the bulk of the fishing by himself, and it’s started to show, as he’s no longer as thin and lanky as he was before. He’s had to do a lot of running away and has even allowed Ludwig to teach him some basic combat skills. All of us look messy, our hair has grown long and we all have a bit of stubble beginning to grow on our faces. We’re all shells of who we used to be, all of the riots and uprising changing us.

Today, it’s not raining, and it’s a good thing too, as it’s been raining almost nonstop since last week. Ludwig and Feliciano are out on one of the boats, trying to catch enough fish to last us at least another week. Gilbert and I were sent out to see if either of us could find any canned foods so we could eat something other than fish for once. The two of us search through all of the houses that we didn’t check already, and come out with several cans of assorted beans and vegetables. It’s not much but it seems great. With this, we’ll have extra food for if we have to pack up and leave suddenly. The two of us are walking back to our hideout when we hear a voice behind us.

“Gilbert? Lovino?” The two of us drop our cans and whip around, pulling guns from our pockets, turning to face whoever it is. Both of us hold our guns steady, ready to kill, aniticipating a trap, but then we relax. Before us stands Alfred and Matthew. The two of them jump back slightly at the weapons, but relax when we do.

“What are you guys doing here!?” Alfred asks, stepping forward. I briefly wonder whether he’s asking why we’re in America, or why we’re in Leland. I’m about to ask him what he means by the question, but Gilbert begins talking before I can get a chance to.

“We’re here with Feliciano and Ludwig, and we’ve been hiding out in peace for about a month now. We’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible, so please tell me that you two weren’t pursued.” Gilbert says quickly in a flat tone. Alfred scratches his neck and opens his mouth to speak, but Matthew shakes his head and speaks instead.

“Well we were ambushed in Traverse City. We had been with Michelle and Mike* too, but when we were ambushed, we were separated from them. The NOP members pursued us for about a half hour. They lost us after that, but you guys may want to take extra precautions just to be safe,” Matthew says, and I exchange a nervous glance with Gilbert. This could get bad very easily. “You said Ludwig and Feli are here? Where?”

“Well right now they’re out fishing. We’ll have to get them to come back so we can pack up our things and get the hell out of this place. It’d be better to leave now than to regret staying.” I say slowly, then gesture for Gilbert to come with me. The two of us pick up our cans and begin to walk quickly back to hideout, Matthew and Alfred following us. When we reach the place, I’m relieved to see that Feliciano and Ludwig have already returned. They look up upon seeing two extra people and Feliciano smiles warmly, walking up and giving the two brothers a hug. Matthew explains the situations to them, and then we all busy ourselves with packing up everything as quickly as possible. Then, we find ourselves saying goodbye to the ramshackle house and the beautiful lake and Leland as a whole.

We travel southwest, staying along the coastline so we’re near a source of water. After a couple of hours of jogging away, we find ourselves at an abandoned camp. I stare at the fading sign that says ‘Camp Leelanau’. The sun is beginning to hang low in the sky and we decide that it would be best to just stay at this camp for the night. We put our things in a cabin and create a schedule for keeping watch. If there’s NOP members nearby, then we can’t ever be too careful. Ludwig volunteers to take the first watch, and then Alfred the next. Each watch is only a couple of hours, as to make it so everyone gets at least a little sleep. That night, when I slip into my sleeping bag beside Gilbert, he is tense.

“Are you okay?” I ask quietly, so I don’t disturb the others who are trying to sleep. He shrugs, shaking his head. He’s been unusually pale since we left.

“They’re close to us. Something could happen. I just have a bad feeling and I don’t want something to happen to-” he stops talking abruptly and looks away from me. I can feel the paranoia radiating off of him, and honestly, everyone’s probably a little paranoid. Anything could happen. I find myself worrying about Gilbert, and I tense. No, I promised myself that I would only worry about myself and my brother. I can’t afford to have growing feelings towards someone. If that happens then my heart will only shatter once more if something happens. I let out a shaky breath.

“Believe me,” I begin, avoiding eye-contact with him, “I know what you mean.” I find myself crying.Gilbert shakes my head and pulls me close, gently wiping a tear off of my cheek and holding my face ever so lightly in his hands. He’s being so gentle right now, and I want nothing more than to just melt into his arms and forget everything that’s been happening. He looks at me sadly, and a single tear makes its way down his cheek. Something changes in his eyes and shaking his head, he pulls me closer, his lips lightly grazing against mine. I find myself kissing him back, and a realize what I’m doing. If something happens… I hope to god that nothing happens because I don’t think I’d be able to live if something did. He slowly pulls back from me, giving me a dreamy look, and then he kisses me again, this time more confidently. This time I’m prepared, and I return the kiss just as passionately, not wanting this to end.

For what seems like the longest time, all there is is the two of us and the feeling of his lips on mine. Then, through some sort of daze, we both shed our layers of clothes and his hands roam all over my body and I’m melting into every touch of his. We move against each other, every place where we make contact setting off fireworks in my body, and he seems like the only other person in the world. Nothing else, just him. I feel lighter than a feather, I feel vulnerable and weak, and the way he holds me and touches me makes my heart flutter in my chest. The two of us fall asleep after some time in a messy tangle of limbs, and even while asleep, Gilbert still holds me close, my face buried against his chest.

_-I’ll always love you and make you happy_

_If you will only say the same_

_But if you leave me to love another,_

_You’ll regret it all one day-_

In the morning when I wake up, my limbs are aching, but I feel more rested than I have in ages. “Morning, Lovino,” Gilbert whispers, kissing me on the forehead and absentmindedly running a finger along my shoulder. I blush, remembering what happened the previous night, and hope to God that no one will give us a hard time about it today.

“Good morning,” I whisper back, giving him a small smile. Maybe this will work out. I hope to God that nothing happens because I was already beginning to fall for Gilbert, but now it’s been taken to whole new levels and I wouldn’t be able to bear it if something happened to him. I distantly wonder how I even fell for him, because in all honestly, before this all we hated each other. Whenever we were in the same room, we would bicker constantly, and sometimes even start to fight. That usually ended with Francis taking a hold of Gilbert, and Antonio holding me back. Antonio. I still am in love with Antonio even though he died months ago. I still can’t forget the way his eyes lost their light as his body fell to the ground. But now I’m beginning to find myself loving Gilbert too. My smile falters, as I get up, pulling clothes on quickly despite the general soreness that has taken over my whole body.

Everyone else is already awake and outside, heating up fish for each of us to eat. They all look up when the two of us walk outside, and I don’t miss the smirk on Alfred’s face. That’s right, he was the one on watch when everything went down. He probably saw everything. I send him a piercing glare and his smirk grows to a grin. Gilbert and I sit down beside Feliciano and Ludwig. Thankfully, neither of them pry, and we all eat our food silently. Then, just as quietly, we begin to pack up what little we got out. We’re likely going to be walking and running through most of the day, with a few breaks in between. Alfred tells us his plan once everyone is outside and packed up.

He explains that we’ll head south, going through Maple City, which was abandoned last time he checked. As we pass through, we’ll grab some supplies, but that we should spend no more than an hour there. Then we’ll continue to head southwest towards Platte Lake. Apparently there is a campground near there that we could stay in for the night. I’m not sure how I feel about Alfred’s plan for the day. I know that it’s his country, so his ideas as to where to go are the safest bet, but I’m a little worried about going through a city. Apparently Alfred and Matthew passed through it when they were fleeing the NOP, so there’s a decent chance that there could be NOP members there. Even if there isn’t every city or town still holds the chance of harbouring people who want to do us harm. There could be inmates who broke out of jail, there could be gangs, there could be just about anything, and if we’re not careful, our numbers could begin dwindling.

Once Alfred is finished explaining everything, we all set out. For the most part, we’re quiet, everything tense. No one dares interrupt the silence and everyone seems to be on edge. It’s like that for the first hour of the walk, but then Alfred decides to make things worse by talking. I already noticed that he slowed down his pace a little, falling back in line with Gilbert and I, and I kept praying that he wouldn’t say anything, but of course my prayers went unheard.

“So,” Alfred begins quietly, with a growing smirk on his face, “You guys enjoy yourselves last night,” I want to punch him in the face and I open my mouth to say something incredibly snarky, but Gilbert speaks up first.

“We had a marvelous time last night, but what happens between the two of us is only between the two of us. Stay out of it,” His tone is cool and his bluntness makes me smile a little. Alfred sighs, rolling his eyes, and is about to say something else, but Gilbert cuts him off again. “I’m serious, dude. Stay out of it. This is an A and B thing so C your way out of it.” He’s incredibly snarky today and I laugh at that line, and wave goodbye to Alfred, who grumbles something about us being killjoys before taking his spot back at the front of the pack.

Soon enough, we reach Maple City, and well, it’s not much of a city. It’s pretty small, which is comforting to me, and we begin to pass through, occasionally stopping inside of a house or shop or restaurant and checking for supplies. We find a few cans of food and a few weapons, but overall we don’t have much. We spend more than a half hour in town when we decide to leave. We’re walking out of town quickly when I start to get a bad feeling. I cast a glance behind me, but I don’t see anything, so I keep walking, shrugging the feeling off. I’m probably being overly paranoid, that’s all. We continue walking but another ten minutes or so passes and the feeling still hasn’t left me.

We keep walking and we end up in a forest. By now, I’ve taken to repeatedly casting glances over my shoulder. I can’t shake the paranoia that has begun to gather inside my stomach. It’s bad to the point where I’m clutching the gun in my pocket. We’re being followed and we’ve been since we left Maple City. I may not have seen anyone but I just have a feeling about it.

“You guys,” I say slowly and everyone stops in their tracks to turn at me. I shrink back from breaking the fragile silence, but I continue speaking, “I think we’ve been being followed. Don’t ask me how I know, I just have had this feeling that I haven’t been able to shake since we left Maple City,” A few of them raise an eyebrow at me or stare at me quizzically.

“Calm down, Lovino, you’re just being paranoid. We all are,” Ludwig says slowly, but Feliciano puts a hand on his shoulder.

“No, Luddy. I’ve felt it too. I just didn’t want to say anything,” My brother says in a strange tone. We make eye contact and share a knowing expression. Both of us are absolutely positive that we are being followed right now, and what scares me the most is that whoever our pursuer is could choose to show their ugly face at any moment. It could very easily be right now, but it could just as easily be late at night when we’re all unprepared.

“Maybe we should just keep moving then, and figure out what to do about it when we set up camp,” Alfred says, staring back at the direction from which we came with a sense of alertness fallen across his features. A few of us nod in agreement, and we continue walking, but we change our formation a little. Alfred stays at the front since he’s the one who knows where we’re going. Matthew is up there with him. Feliciano and I are in the middle, and Ludwig and Gilbert are in the back. I don’t like the fact that Gilbert is at the back because that means that he will be one of the most vulnerable if our pursuer decides to attack us while we’re moving.

We continue to walk for hours, occasionally taking a brief rest to eat or catch our breaths, and then night begins to fall. We still aren’t at the campsite that Alfred told us we were going to, and we’re all beginning to grow tired. When Alfred finally decides the he must’ve miscalculated and that we should make camp, we’re all tired enough to agree. We lay out our sleeping bags in a misshapen circle around a fire that we built. If someone is pursuing us already, the wouldn’t need a fire to know where we were, so really it’s not doing any extra harm. Feliciano cooks a couple of cans of beans over the fire and Ludwig and Gilbert are both sitting at the edge of ‘camp’, staring out into the night. Alfred and Matthew are discussing something in hushed voices but I don’t pry. It’s not my place, and I can at least respect that. I lay on top of my sleeping bag, staring at the night sky. When Feliciano announces that he’s done cooking the food, we gather close and pass the cans around, eating only a third of a can each. It’s not much, but it will suffice for now. After eating, we’re all relatively quiet. I slip into my sleeping bag and find myself about to drift off without Gilbert beside me. That’s when it starts.

_-You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

_You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you_

_Please don’t take my sunshine away-_

__

Out of nowhere, a gunshot is fired and narrowly misses Ludwig, who jumps back, eyes widening. There’s a few shouts from out in the forest, and it’s obvious that we’re outnumbered. Hell, I think it’s safe to bet that they’ve got us surrounded. Alfred loads an assault rifle that looks vaguely familiar and I try not to dwell on who’s it is… or was, and why he has it. Matthew gives Alfred a wary look, but I can see fire behind his eyes.

“Alright you guys,” he begins, looking around at all of us, “This is war. They’ve been overthrowing everything, and now, thanks to them our lives are fucking screwed. Me may be outnumbered, but we can still at least fight. I’m going to avenge Ivan tonight,” he says, and then he turns to the forest and begins shouting, “AND DON’T ANY OF YOU NOP MOTHERFUCKERS THINK FOR ONE MOMENT THAT I DIDN’T CARE FOR THIS COUNTRY OR THAT I DIDN’T TRY, BECAUSE I’M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I WILL FIGHT FOR MY FREEDOM AND AMERICA UNTIL THE DAY I DIE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.” We all exchange grave looks, and then load our own weapons.

Shots are fired, and it’s like I’m on the battlefield. I shoot my gun into the woods, squinting to see the dark forms in the forest. I hit someone. That’s one less NOP member to worry about. I hear Matthew yelp as a bullet embeds itself into his shoulder. Through the pain, he holds up his rifle and continues to shoot into the woods, putting a cold, stony glare onto his face. I continue to shoot, and a few bullets come dangerously close to me. I try not to show any fear, but the truth is that I’m scared shitless right now. There was once a time when I would have fled this whole situation. Where I would have run until I could no longer breathe, but I’ve changed so much over the past few months. I hold my ground and continue to fire into the woods, many of my shots blind. A bullet buries itself in my leg and I fall to the ground. I yelp out in pain, and it is truly excruciating, but I still waste no time in pushing myself back up. Now is not the time to writhe in pain, and right now is the moment that everything has been spiraling down to. I don’t know how I know, I’ve just got a feeling.

A couple men are downed, and then I realize that there’s only a couple of them left and six of us. Some of us may be injured, but none of the injuries are fatal. We might actually make it out of this relatively okay, but then a gunshot echoes through the air. Everything seems to go in slow motion as the bullet whistles through the air. I turn around and Gilbert looks down at the small bullet wound in his stomach.

“Oh shit,” he whispers, going extremely pale, and then he falls to the ground, clutching the wound. My heart stops in my chest for a minute as I watch him fall, and then I turn and sprint in the direction that the gunshot came on. When I see the shooter, I lunge at him, my hands around his throat before he can react. He struggles beneath me but my grip is like stone, and when he stops moving, punch him. I punch him until my knuckles are bleeding and then I scream. Feliciano runs over to me and pulls me off of the dead body, and then in a blur I’m at Gilbert’s side. Gilbert turns his head towards me, wincing slightly, and gives me a weak smile.

Now, the tears come on and I hold his hand tightly, trying to keep them in. “Dammit, bastard! Don’t do this right now!” I manage to choke out between tears, and Gilbert shakes his head, smiling sadly.

“I’m sorry, Lovino,” Gilbert whispers in a wheezy tone, a tear sliding down his face, “I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have made you fall for me…” he says, and I shake my head. No. This can’t be happening. Not again. I shouldn’t have to go through this twice. It shouldn’t feel worse than the last time but it does.

“No, stop saying that Gil, stop. You’ll be fine,” no he won’t, stop lying to yourself, Lovino, “and when this is all over, we can get a cabin up by a lake. It’ll be beautiful and we won’t have to worry about any of this bullshit,” No. None of that will happen because Gilbert is laying right here in front of me, slowly fading away. “Please don’t leave me, Gilbert. I…” The tears keep on coming they won’t fucking stop. I can barely breathe right now. “Ti amo,” I whisper, and something changes behind Gilbert’s eyes. He weakly reaches up and touches my face with one hand.

“Lovino, Ich liebe dich auch,” he says weakly, then taking a deep breath, “Funny it took us until the end to realize it,” he weakly pulls my head down and kisses me softly on the lips. He pulls back, “Now, Lovi, goodbye,” he whispers, and then he goes into a coughing fit. I stand up and take a step back, trying not to listen as he cries out in agony. Then, the coughing stops and he relaxes. Just before his eyes cloud over, he looks up at me and smiles softly, “Thank you,”. Then everything is silent and still. Gilbert Beilschmidt is deceased.

_-Please don’t take my sunshine away-_

I cry out, kneeling down over him again and holding his broken body in my arms. He’s dead. He’s really dead and somehow I knew that this would happen. I struggle to breath, and my wails can probably be heard for miles. Why does everything I touch crumble to pieces. Alfred and Matthew pull me off of him, and through my tears, I watch as Ludwig practically falls to pieces over his brother’s body. He shakes his head, hugging Gilbert tightly and weeping, and then he gently lays him back down, kissing his forehead. Feliciano is crying too, and Alfred and Matthew are just standing there shocked, unsure of how to react to us all crumbling to pieces. Ludwig shakes his head and walks over to Feli and I and holds us both tightly, and we all cry. We cry until we can’t cry anymore, and then we all slowly break apart and stare despairingly at the body.

We don’t have any shovel to give him a proper burial, so instead we all slowly build a bed of wood. We build it big and grand, like Gilbert would have liked and then we lay him on top it. He almost looks as if he could be sleeping, but he’s not. Then, I walk up and line the bed of wood with small wildflowers that I found in the forest. He almost looks at peace, and I wish I could join him, where ever it is that his soul has gone. When everything is ready, Ludwig walks up to the makeshift pyre. He gently kisses his brother’s forehead one last time before turning to us to speak.

“Gilbert Beilschmidt was the best brother I could have ever hoped for. I’ve never really been good at speeches so he’s probably laughing at me wherever he is now. He might have been unreasonable at times, or loud and obnoxious. He was certainly confident in his abilities, and when I was young I used to look up to him. I use to admire his precise battle strategies and his seriousness during war. When his nation dissolved, he was broken up about it, and I was there for him to hold him while he cried. When everyone else started losing their statuses recently, he was there. He comforted as many of us as he could, even if he wasn’t exactly good at it. He did a lot more than comfort some of us, and we will all miss him dearly,” Ludwig’s voice cracks, and a tear slides down his cheek. He stands there silently for a minute, waiting to see if anyone else wants to say anything. I should say something, but I don’t know what to say. What do you say when someone you love dearly dies? That they were a good person? That they didn’t diseve for any of this to happen? Ludwig pretty much summed that up. When no one speaks up, Ludwig slowly turns and pulls the lighter from his pocket. We all spare one last look at Gilbert in his wooden bed, and then it all goes up in flames.

 **  
**I turn away and leave. I can’t watch anymore. I shouldn’t have to watch his body burn to ash after I just watched him die. I curl up in my sleeping bag and lay there, ignoring the rest of the world because to me there isn’t anymore world. I’m cursed or something to be alone for life because everyone that steals my heart loses their life. My heart’s been broken twice and it hurts so bad. When everyone else has fallen asleep, I find myself climb out of my sleeping bag. I walk out into the woods, and there’s a loud bang, a flash of light, and then nothingness. I don’t return to camp the next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> * Michelle and Mike are my OC's for the Upper and Lower Peninsulas of Michigan.


End file.
